Holidays present a huge change of routine for our kids — not only are they taking a break from school, but even the familiar rhythms of home life are often disrupted with family visits, celebrations, and travel. We can’t promise our kids that everything will go smoothly, but we can prepare them for the change in routine.
One Undivided parent recommends making a custom Social Story to prepare for the trip and to “include a page about how things might change along the way, but we can cope with hard things.”
Check out our printable visual story holiday workbook for an easy template to get you started!
If you don’t have time to put together a book, don’t worry! You can still prime your child for your family’s plans with a photo, a video, or a discussion of what to expect. Navigator Gabriela says, “Sometimes we show pictures of the house we are going to, people we will see, or a video of a past get-together. We also discuss anything that may be happening during the meetup, if people will be singing, opening presents, or anything else that may come up.”
Our kids aren’t the only ones who benefit from setting expectations before a big event. It’s helpful to talk in advance with family members you expect to see over the holidays and update them on ways they can help your child have a fun, positive gathering.
Navigator Gabriela shares, “We have set up the expectation of NOT watching the kids open their presents. The performance of opening presents in front of a lot of people, showing a happy reaction, clapping, or answering questions about liking their gift has been very difficult and dysregulating in the past. Prepping family members for not having that expectation and/or reaction sets things up so that others understand what may be difficult for the kids, and how we have adapted what we do to make the experience more enjoyable.”
You know your child best, and you know your family, so offering alternatives helps make sure everyone can participate in a way that’s comfortable for them. Gabriela says, “We have done things afterwards like open them later on that day and record their reaction, sending a video afterwards showing them playing with it, or writing a note or a drawing.”
When setting expectations with family members who love to dote on your child, it can be helpful to offer gift suggestions that match your child’s age and preferences. Navigator Andrea says, “Family members tend to want to baby [my daughter] out of love and habit, so I make a point to gently, lovingly remind them about her age and current interests and direct them towards gifts that aren’t for babies/toddlers. I update them about TV shows, characters, themes, etc. that are more appropriate.”
Andrea continues, “I help them to understand that despite her need for toys that fit her accessibility and sensory needs, it’s important she be seen as the tween that she is. For example, she still needs to receive board books because she’ll rip or chew the pages of a typical book. There are some excellent board books about more age-appropriate characters (historical figures, pop stars, etc.) or even just neutral topics like animals or the environment. The same goes for clothing, so when they ask about her current sizing, I nudge them towards clothing items that look appropriate for a tween and don’t focus on toddler characters. It can be a nice way to have a discussion about respecting her growth and development as she gets older.”
Navigator Kelly says, “Here’s what I wish someone had told me (or maybe they did and I didn’t listen): let go of your expectations. It’s okay to not do a thousand things over the holidays even though it may feel like that’s what you’re supposed to do. Days packed with activities, travel, different foods, new people, etc. can be dysregulating, which can result in behaviors. You might want to build in some downtime for regulation.”
Maybe that looks like taking a sensory break in the middle of opening gifts, letting your child have their iPad at the dinner table, or turning down a party invite after a long travel day. It’s okay to say no, and it’s okay to be flexible!
Undivided education advocate Karen says, “This can be hard to do, but my tip is to let it be about you for a moment, or even a couple of hours. Forget about traditions — or start new ones! Build traditions that work for you and your family without you being exhausted. Go out with your friends, spend an afternoon with your parents, or do something fun with your sibling. You don’t have to talk about your child if that is a point of tension — focus on your other relationships. If you can’t travel, you can have a Zoom lunch or happy hour.”
Making time for self-care during a stressful holiday season is so important! Karen continues, “You spend a lot of time being a caregiver with no days off, and it's easy to forget how you fit into your own life. Your child may not remember the holidays or the memories you are creating, but you will, so let it be about you too and how you want to remember it.”
For more tips from expert therapists and psychologists about sensory needs, sleep, food sensitivities, and other topics that can be especially tricky around end-of-the-year celebrations, be sure to check out our Holiday Survival Guide for Families Raising Kids with Disabilities.
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