Dr. Matt Biel on How to Help Our Kids Manage Their Fears and Worries
We thoroughly enjoyed our live chat with Dr. Matthew Biel, chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at Georgetown University Medical Center. Among the many suggestions and insights Dr. Matt shared with us was a reminder to keep our sights on the micro and focus on “winning the hour” instead of the day. But when it comes to the macro, perhaps the most helpful — and easiest to follow — piece of advice is to remember that what our kids need most from us right now is love.
If you missed the live event, you can watch it here!
Below, we’ve included some of the highlights from our conversation with Dr. Biel as well as a list of resources to help our kids manage their fears and worries. From books and articles to websites and apps, we hope these little discoveries will be helpful to you and your family.
"Resilience, more than almost anything else that we might consider a characteristic, is earned — it’s earned through trials and tribulations, it’s earned through hardship, it’s earned through creative and durable response to adversity. From what I know about the Undivided community, this is a group that is rich in resilience — because raising a kid with durable challenges creates a durable hardiness in families."
What are the things to keep in mind when talking to kids about things that are difficult or adverse?
- Know your child. Every kid has their own personality, their own temperament, ways they react to new and unexpected things.
- Where is your child developmentally? The way you might talk to a 7-year-old who has autism versus a 7-year-old who has OCD versus a 7-year-old who’s got an intellectual disability are all different conversations.
- Take your child’s lead. There’s a tendency adults have when we’re anxious about something to overshare rather than taking a moment to pause and say, What does my child need to know in order to make sense of that for him or herself?
"I want to encourage folks to be compassionate with yourself, compassionate with your child, and modest in your ambitions as you think about what is possible to achieve each day. Be really concrete and specific. What’s a 15- or 20-minute chunk of learning, interaction, or challenge that you want to focus your attention on tomorrow? Let’s win that hour. If you win that hour, you win the day. Whatever happens beyond that is gravy."
Books
A Boy and a Bear: The Children's Relaxation Book, by Lori Lite
With a little imagination, kids can help calm their worries. This story shows them just how to do that. For children aged 3–10.
David and the Worry Beast: Helping Children Cope with Anxiety, by Anne Marie Guanci
Learn how to conquer fears in this story about David, a little boy who worries a lot. For children aged 4–9.
Helping Your Anxious Child, by Ronald Rapee, Ann Wignall, Susan Spence, Heidi Lyneham and Vanessa Cobham
A guide that teaches parents cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques to help their children overcome anxiety, fears, and worries.
Mindfulness For Kids Who Worry, by Katie Austin
Aimed at ages 6–9, but with tools that can be useful at any age, this book is full of beautiful illustrations and mindfulness exercises for children.
Wemberly Worried, by Kevin Henkes
A little mouse worries about everything from spilling to shrinking while taking a bath. Things start to look up when she finds a friend who worries just as much as she does. For children aged 4–8.
What To Do When You Worry Too Much, by Dr. Dawn Heubner
By psychologist Dawn Huebner, this book is intended for children aged 6–12 to read with their parents; it uses metaphors and humorous illustrations to teach techniques used in cognitive-behavioral therapy to treat generalized anxiety.
Worry, Worry, Go Away! A Kid's Book about Worry and Anxiety, by Christine Adams
This book uses elves to help kids learn how to beat anxious feelings. For preschoolers through 3rd grade.
Articles
Kveller, “Schedules Are Everything for My Autistic Son. Here’s How We’re Coping Now,” 3.20.20
A parent discusses her autistic son's need to plan far in advance, and how she’s able to maintain compassion during a time when there is no ability to plan ahead.
KQED, “Exercise Tips To Help Kids, Teens and Families Stay Balanced at Home,” 3.18.20
This article contains fun and helpful links for at-home exercise routines for every member of the family.
“Supporting Individuals with Autism through Uncertain Times,” by Kara Hume, Ph.D., UNC School of Education, & UNC FPG Autism Team, 3.20.20
A well-structured PDF with helpful information and great infographics broken into seven strategies to help those with autism through difficult times.
Websites
Do Yoga With Me contains hundreds of online guided yoga classes; they are currently offering 2 months of classes for free. Info on their coronavirus offer here.
GoZen offers a program designed to help kids overcome anxiety using proven psychological research and therapeutic techniques. Their website explains it this way: “The program is broken down into six modules that teach your child how to understand, control, and manage their anxiety. The concepts are delivered over with animations featuring fun, relatable characters in real-life situations.” (Insider tip: you can find many of their helpful videos for free on YouTube.)
Isle Of Calm: Stream 6 Hours Of Soothing Music
Six hours of free music created in March to reduce anxiety, curated by NPR.
Monterey Bay Aquarium, The Zen of Moon Jellies
Calm yourself with the relaxing live video of jellyfish from the Monterey Bay Aquarium.
Apps
Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame
This app is intended for young children to help them learn self-control, problem-solving, and task persistence. To help an upset Sesame Street monster learn to calm down, children practice different techniques such as breathing exercises, popping bubbles, and making a plan. Free.
This app contains six beautifully designed “games” that help promote relaxation and calm. The games include activities such as building a garden, reaching a rainbow, and inhabiting a cherry blossom snowglobe. Free.
Calm contains hundreds of excellent guided meditations in varying lengths, with an entire section devoted to children. The app also offers music and bedtime stories.
Like Calm, Headspace contains guided meditations and music in varying lengths for the whole family. The Kids section features five themes: Calm, Focus, Kindness, Sleep, and Wake Up.
This app contains 32,000 free guided meditations, and their section for kids includes topics on finding peace, falling asleep, “overcoming monkey mind,” and calming anxiety.
This app introduces children to mindfulness through a series of voice-guided stories with the help of a playful monster named Flibbertigibbet. Flibbertigibbet is agitated and needs help calming down; by soothing him, the child is led to learn techniques to help them gain inner calm. Free.
This app teaches kids 12 different animal-inspired yoga poses via an animated superhero named Super Stretch. Kids can watch videos of children doing each pose and an explanation of how to do it; they can also choose a particular pose or do them in order. Reminders to breathe are given throughout. Free.
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