How can I talk to my child with disabilities about personal safety?

It's important to recognize that most cases of child abduction, exploitation, and abuse happen with people we know — family members, caregivers, school employees, friends’ parents, and other children — NOT with strangers. So what can we do about it?

• Use the right terminology. Instead of “strangers,” we should warn our kids about “tricky people,” who might be someone they know. Another reason not to warn children only of “strangers” is that they shouldn’t assume they should trust someone just because they’ve known them for a while. According to the FBI, children are increasingly introduced to “tricky people” through the internet and video games, where they can be “cyber-groomed” for long periods of time before they’re asked to meet in person.

• Teach them how to understand relationships and consent. Consent can be problematic for kids who may have experienced many situations in which their body autonomy is not respected by loving parents who seem to constantly wipe their noses and mouths, feed them medicine, clip their toenails, brush their teeth, and (the worst!) cut their hair. They may also have to endure frequent blood draws, shots, and other uncomfortable exams and procedures. How can we teach children that their body is their own if we do not ask permission and respect their right to refuse? Expert Terri Cowenhaven recommends using an intimate care model that always asks permission, even to wipe their face, and allows individuals to refuse for now but keep trying.

• Seek out specialized resources for teaching your child with disabilities about bodies and boundaries. While many children may have great sex education classes in school, it is important for children with disabilities to have access to specialized classes. Many Regional Centers offer a class for children ages nine and up on bodies and boundaries. You can also talk to your school about using curriculum materials that include modifications for students with disabilities such as Positive Prevention Plus.

• Talk about cyber safety. If your children are able to access the internet independently, you should set clear family agreements on cyber interactions. Most importantly, ensure that your children know never to disclose their address, school name, or other information that can be used to locate them. Children should also never have access to online payments.

For much more on speaking to your child about personal safety, including links to resources, see the article “Stranger Danger”: How We Can Talk To Our Kids About Personal Safety.