Where can I get help toilet-training my child?

The process of toilet-training can be frustrating for any parent. While a typically developing child is usually toilet-trained by the age of three or four, an “average” age for kids with disabilities doesn’t really exist. It’s important to know that the reasons a child may have trouble with toilet training can be physical or behavioral (or both) — and knowing which it is can help in the creation of strategies and interventions. For example, kids with spinal cord abnormalities or irregularities are going to have urinary issues. Kids with cerebral palsy may require an adaptive seat, as balance and sitting in an appropriate position can be difficult. But once any medical complications have been addressed and/or ruled out, it’s time to tackle the behavioral causes that can make toilet-training hard to navigate. And this can simply mean that a child doesn’t understand the behavior.

For example, the child may not know how to do it, or understand the process well, or even understand the basic bodily feeling. If we look at interoception, there’s the notion that people who are neurodivergent probably don't have a good idea of how they're feeling. If you don't know that you're hungry or that you're thirsty, you're not going to go get a drink of water. The same applies to toilet training.

Does your child know to recognize that they need to go to the bathroom? Does your child know the difference between a wet or soiled diaper or underwear versus a dry one? If the answer is no, start showing them what “wet” feels like on their skin. And this mentality can also apply to some of the most challenging behaviors, such as smearing of feces or even a curiosity for some children to taste it — maybe they haven’t been told in a way that makes sense to them that that’s not something we play with.

Read more about toilet training, including toilet-training difficulties, how to start, and what steps to take if we’re feeling stuck in our article here.