Why is my child refusing to go to school?

There are four common reasons kids refuse to go to school:

1. Avoidance: sometimes, kids refuse to go to school because it feels stressful or scary. Maybe they’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed about schoolwork or from not feeling safe at school. In their minds, home is their sanctuary and offers them a sense of relief.

2. Escape: for some children, being around large crowds can be really tough. School is loaded with social situations they might find challenging, so staying at home becomes their only option. Remember, it’s not like your child doesn’t want to go; it’s that staying home is a way to avoid what feels too hard to handle.

3. Seeking attention: some children notice that they get more attention at home than at school. Whether it’s positive or negative attention doesn’t matter (in most cases), as long as it’s familiar. While teachers have a lot of students to attend to and the environment can be unpredictable, things are more consistent at home and kids know what to expect from their loved ones.

4. Access to comforts: for kids, there’s nothing like home comforts: toys, video games, TV, or other activities they enjoy. So, for some children, going to school is just not appealing.

All these reasons come from a place of seeking familiarity or avoiding discomfort. Understanding what’s behind our children’s avoidance can help guide the next steps in supporting them.

For more about school refusal, avoidance, and phobia, see School Refusal 101.