“People with disabilities should not be used as objects of your inspiration,” Dr. Caitlin Solone says. If you wouldn’t consider a person’s actions ‘inspiring’ were they not to have a disability, then it’s condescending to “give accolades for things that are commonplace.”
Dr. Solone understands why parents may look for examples of “inspiration” without realizing they may be problematic. The goal, Dr. Solone says, is “supporting parents as they evolve their implicit biases around disability in healthy ways.”
One significant way that we as parents can work on challenging implicit biases is by considering our relationship with the idea of “overcoming” disability. Dr. Solone says, “The notion of ‘overcoming’ is problematic because it implies that if parents try really hard and do all the right interventions, and go to the right therapy and doctors, then their child will be better. I think it gives parents hope that their child may somehow, one day, not have a disability anymore. But we’re not trying to make children be someone they’re not. We’re not trying to take away their disability if it’s innately part of who they are.”
So, rather than talking about what our children will “overcome,” focus on what they excel at, and how we can support them in living their best life. That often includes going to the best doctors and therapists, but it doesn’t include “overcoming” a disability that isn’t diminishing their value in the first place.
For more about this topic, see our article What We Talk About When We Talk About Disability.
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