With many of our IEPs coming up, we wanted to get expert advice for how to handle some tricky situations with the IEP team. What if a member of the IEP team tells you that the school “doesn’t do that,” when you feel in your gut it’s what your child needs? If the school says something enough times, we might start to believe it, even if it’s not right. We asked Undivided’s Education Advocate Lisa M. Carey for her playbook to confident responses in an IEP meeting, so we can tackle IEP prep knowing our rights and having a plan.
We won’t list every single example we discussed during our live event (although we highly suggest you watch the full replay for all of Lisa’s advice!), but we do want to highlight some common themes that came up in Lisa’s answers.
If the school tries to deny services based on your child’s diagnosis alone, you can request an assessment, which holds the school accountable for providing data based on your child’s individual needs. Lisa says, “I always like to put things into questions. ‘I thought services were based on need, so are you saying my child doesn't have a need in this area?’ And if they say no and you disagree, then we're going to ask for an assessment. Any IEP should not ever be based on diagnosis, but it should be based on need.”
Lisa also recommends not backing down on your request for an assessment if you really believe your child has needs in that area and the IEP team disagrees. If an administrator or teacher dismisses your concern, Lisa says you can tell them, “Thank you. I'm so happy to hear your opinion or your thoughts. But I'd still like to get an assessment plan.”
Part of the reason is that we don’t want IEP teams deciding on goals or services based on what they assume our children can’t do. In this clip, Lisa explains why requesting an assessment is so important in that process:
Sometimes, schools are hesitant to approve supports or services because they “don’t want to set a precedent,” or they tell you that every child with an IEP gets a certain number of minutes. This can be an opportunity to remind the team that this IEP is strictly for your child’s access to their education, not anyone else’s. Every child with an IEP will have different goals and needs.
Here are some of Lisa’s example responses: “Isn't the purpose of this meeting to design a program that will meet my child's unique needs? How can this be a bad precedent for my child when that's what's most appropriate? And if they say something along the lines of it's a bad precedent because the other students are going to want to do this or something like that, you can just say, are other students or parents going to be seeing his IEP?”
A common denial from schools is getting to speak with 1:1 aides or inviting them to the IEP meeting. Lisa explains why in this clip — and gives tips on how you can still get information from the aide about your child:
If you’ve followed Lisa’s recommendations and the school is still telling you no, bring it back to tip #1: ask questions. Here’s the phrasing Lisa uses: “Can you please share the policy or regulation about this?”
Some schools truly do have policies not allowing 1:1 aides in IEP meetings. Lisa says, “I would ask the teacher to please get the aide's input. And then when you get to the IEP meeting, say, well, what input did the aide have?”
Unfortunately, most of us have been denied when we request a placement, accommodation, modification, or service that would benefit our child. Remember that you as the parent are an equal part of your IEP team, so you deserve to understand why they’re saying no, and you need to get it in writing.
Lisa says, “Many schools will say, ‘Well, we can't.’ But what I hear when they say that is ‘We don't have the staff or the time or the willingness to learn, or it's too hard.’ That's really what they're saying. So I would simply say, ‘Where's the policy on that?’ Or you could say, ‘Where does that come from? Where's that rule? I've never heard that.’”
What if the school insists that the answer is no? “I would ask them to document it in the notes of the IEP,” Lisa says. “And I want to know why, why, why. You can also ask for a prior written notice, which is basically a letter that tells you why they're not going to do something. I like to ask for that when I know that their reason for saying no is not appropriate, and I know that they're probably not going to want to put it in writing.”
At Undivided, we want you to feel empowered. We want to reframe what you might have started believing about some of these team responses. You need to understand what's being offered and why. Ask questions. Ask why. And if something is stated as policy, you can ask to see it. If it's a policy, then you need to know it. Remember that at an IEP, if they tell you something just isn't done, blanket statements can be red flags.
Thank you to Lisa for answering our questions, and for sharing her experiences with the right mix of humor and expert insight. To see the full recording and transcript of this event, check out Flip the Script on IEP Conversations: Mastering the “They Say, You Say”.
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