Socialization Tips for EVERY Holiday

The holidays can be full of things we want our kids to enjoy: dressing up for Halloween, trick-or-treating with siblings and friends, gathering with family, opening presents, joining in traditions, and making memories together. But for kids with disabilities, some of those “fun” social experiences can also come with a whole lot of pressure to participate in a certain way.

Socializing during the holidays doesn’t have to mean making your child participate in every tradition exactly as it’s “supposed” to happen. With a little planning — and plenty of flexibility — families can find ways for kids to participate that honor their communication, sensory, social, and emotional needs. Here are some ways to help your child connect with family members, friends, classmates, and community members during the holidays — while making sure those social experiences work for them.

Socializing doesn’t have to mean staying at a Christmas party for hours and hours, talking to every relative, or going door-to-door on Halloween. Start by thinking about which people and types of interactions your child actually enjoys. Maybe they love talking to cousins but need a break from unfamiliar adults. Maybe they want to trick-or-treat with one friend but not a whole neighborhood group. Maybe they prefer playing alongside other kids quietly rather than joining a loud conversation.

Your family might have a mile-long list of holiday activities, but you know how much your child can handle, so don’t stress over making it all happen. Navigator Kelly recommends, “If your child hates traditional holiday foods, get them what they like. If they have a hard time around new people, limit the time they spend having to socialize with new people. Don’t worry about what anyone else may think. If they don’t have a child with disabilities, they likely won’t understand. If your child does have behaviors, remember that they’re not giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time.”

One of the easiest ways to help kids connect with others is to start with something they already love. A shared interest gives children something to talk about, do together, or contribute to — and it can take some of the pressure out of figuring out what to say or how to join in. If, for example, all the kids at the holiday party are putting on a play for family and friends, you can think about what role your child could take on. “If they can’t memorize lines, maybe they can be the director,” says Dr. Stutman.

Parents can create holiday fun that supports their kids’ unique needs. Many kids with autism, for example, prefer sameness, so Dr. Lauren Stutman, PsyD, founder and clinical director of CARE-LA, suggests doing the same traditions every year. You can watch the same movies and eat the same food every year as a family, then light the tree or the menorah. They may end up enjoying these traditions more than a neurotypical kid might.

For kids with ADHD, Dr. Stutman recommends planning plenty of action-based activities where kids can move their bodies. Going out in the snow, looking at holiday lights, or taking a neighborhood walk can create natural opportunities for kids to interact without having to sit still and carry on a conversation.

Last but certainly not least, Dr. Lyre Fribourg, PhD, BCBA-D, clinical psychologist, reminds us that “it’s important to build happy memories!” The holidays are a time when children should have experiences that bring them joy, so try to end on a good note as much as possible. Here’s how:

Holiday gatherings can involve a lot of social situations that aren't part of your child's everyday routine: greeting relatives, joining a group, asking to play, answering questions, accepting a gift, saying goodbye, or telling someone they need a break. If any of these situations are difficult for your child, practice them ahead of time — without turning the practice into a requirement that they perform perfectly at the actual event.

Sometimes “Go play with the other kids!” is a much harder instruction than adults realize. Instead, give your child a concrete way into the activity, and practice ahead of time. Could they hand out candy with a sibling? Help decorate cookies with a cousin? Be the person who chooses the next holiday song? Help a friend pass out presents? A shared job or activity gives kids something to do together, which can make social interaction feel much more natural.

You can role-play with dolls or stuffed animals, use social stories or visual supports, practice with a sibling, or simply talk through what might happen. For a child who uses AAC, make sure the words or phrases they'll need are available on their device. For a child who likes scripting, practice a few scripts they can use in the moment, such as. “Can I play?” or “Do you want to go look at the lights with me?”

Dr. Stutman also recommends creating things that can help a child who is feeling sensory overwhelm, whether that's because of all the noises, smells, sounds, etc. One tip is to create a code word the child can use anytime they need a break from socializing or all the sensory overwhelm. For example, "popcorn."

Opening presents (or Halloween candy and treats) can come with a lot of social expectations: smiling, saying “thank you,” showing excitement, or reassuring the person who gave the gift that they like it. For some of our kids, that pressure can make an otherwise enjoyable moment stressful or dysregulating.

If you know your child may have a hard time reacting to an unexpected gift — or may not like every gift they receive — consider talking with family members ahead of time about what to expect. You can also give your child an alternative to opening presents or treats in front of everyone. Undivided Navigator Gabriela shares, “We have set up the expectation of NOT watching the kids open their presents. The performance of opening presents in front of a lot of people, showing a happy reaction, clapping, or answering questions about liking their gift has been very difficult and dysregulating in the past. Prepping family members for not having that expectation and/or reaction sets things up so that others understand what may be difficult for the kids, and how we have adapted what we do to make the experience more enjoyable.”

You know your child best, so think about what will make the experience more comfortable for everyone. Gabriela says, “We have done things afterwards, like opening [gifts] later on that day and recording their reaction, sending a video afterwards showing them playing with it, or writing a note or a drawing.”

The same approach can work with holiday foods, too. If your child doesn't like a food someone prepared, you can let family members know ahead of time and make sure there’s something your child will enjoy eating. You can also practice ahead of time ways your child can communicate that they don’t want something — whether that’s saying, “No, thank you,” using AAC, pointing to a “no” or “all done” message, or using another communication method that works for them. Giving your child a way to politely decline can help them navigate these social moments while still respecting their own preferences and boundaries.

Holiday social opportunities don’t always happen automatically. Sometimes you may need to be the one creating opportunities for your child to connect with peers, especially when they’re younger. The holidays can make this easier because there are already plenty of natural opportunities to gather: school events and parties, neighborhood events, community celebrations, holiday activities, and seasonal playdates.

Getting involved with your child’s school or community can help you and your family become a more connected part of that community. You don’t have to take on a major volunteer role — even helping with a school Halloween or Christmas party or joining a holiday play or musical can give your child more opportunities to see and interact with the same peers.

You might also organize a holiday playdate, invite a few classmates to a seasonal activity, or participate in a school or community event together. When you do organize a playdate or small gathering, choose an activity that is fun and structured, invite more than one child when appropriate, and provide whatever support your child needs to participate comfortably. You can also prepare your child ahead of time by offering a few choices for activities they can do with their friends.

Holiday events can provide natural opportunities to practice being around peers, developing shared interests, and building relationships. And because the holidays give kids something in common — costumes, decorations, music, food, gifts, traditions — they can sometimes make it easier to start a conversation or shared activity.

We all benefit from having diverse friends. Our children are no different. Having friends with different abilities, interests, and backgrounds can enrich us and open us to new possibilities.

Creating opportunities for your child to socialize with peers when they are young is important, and often easier than when they are older. Young children — even children who are very different from each other — often play together naturally. Dr. Falvey says that what we know from research is that children are most likely to form friendships where there’s close proximity and frequent opportunity.

And of course, having relationships with peers with disabilities is also important. Karen Cull, education advocate and parent of a twenty-year-old son with Down syndrome, tells us, “I think it’s important to have both. He has a lot in common with other people with developmental disabilities, but he also has a lot in common with theater kids. So he needs to be able to go to both social groups, just like anyone.”

Give your child choices about who they want to spend time with, what activities they want to join, and how they want to participate. Maybe your teen would rather go to a trunk-or-treat with friends than trick-or-treat door-to-door. Maybe they'd rather help younger siblings than be the one collecting candy. Maybe they'd rather attend a small gathering than a big family party. Undivided Navigator Jen says, “It's good to look for alternative events for that your teen likes, such as pumpkin patches, trunk or treats, or church or community centers.”

Jen continues, “If your teen still likes to trick or treat, I would suggest maybe making a sign or a T-shirt that explains a little bit more about their disability. For example, in my son's case, I would say something like, ‘We have Fragile X. For more information, visit our national website. Thank you for being kind and for being patient, and have a happy Halloween.’”

The holidays can come with a lot of unwritten rules about what kids are “supposed” to wear, do, eat, and enjoy at a certain age. Your child doesn't have to abandon a favorite interest in order to socialize. In fact, that interest may be exactly what helps them connect with other people. For example, if your teenager still wants to dress up as Elsa for Halloween, watch the same holiday cartoons every year, or go trick-or-treating with younger siblings, that doesn’t mean you need to steer them toward something more “age-appropriate” just to fit in.

When a child has interests that aren’t considered “age-appropriate,” parents may feel anxious or pressured to mute these interests in order for their child to fit in. But our goal isn’t to change our children. While helping them develop social skills and find common interests is important, so too is honoring who they are.

Dr. Sarah Pelangka, PhD, BCBA-D, special education advocate and creator of Know IEPs, suggests looking for compromises.

If your child wants to dress up as a favorite character, find ways to fold that costume into the celebration, rather than making participation conditional on picking something else. A group or family costume is often the easiest bridge — if your teen wants to be Elsa, the rest of the family or their friend group can go as Anna, Olaf, Kristoff, and Sven, so their costume becomes the anchor for a shared bit rather than something that sets them apart.

If your older teen or young adult wants to trick-or-treat, rather than steering them toward something "more their age," think through the specifics with them. Instead of focusing on whether trick-or-treating is “age-appropriate,” ask what your child loves about it. Is it dressing up? Walking around with friends? Getting candy? Following the same neighborhood route every year? Once you know what draws them to the tradition, you can look for ways to make that part of the experience social.

If a tradition seems "too young" for their age, ask what they actually love about it. Understanding why a child is drawn to something makes it easier to find similar interests they can share with peers, without asking them to give up what lights them up in the first place. For example, if your child There’s no age limit on enjoying the parts of Halloween that bring your child joy.

Holiday gatherings can sometimes put kids in situations where they’re offered something that isn’t safe for them to eat, encouraged to do something they shouldn’t, or expected to go along with an activity that doesn’t feel safe. If there are specific situations you know your child may encounter, practice ahead of time what they can do or communicate.

For example, if your child needs to avoid certain foods, practice how they can recognize and decline those foods when someone else offers them. Depending on how your child communicates, this might mean practicing “No, thank you,” “I can’t eat that,” using AAC, showing a visual card, or going to a trusted adult for help. You can also make sure family members know ahead of time which foods or situations your child needs to avoid, so your child isn’t solely responsible for keeping themselves safe.

You can also prime your child that you’ll plan on eating the candy later at home, not while out trick-or-treating. (You can bring along a piece of safe candy in your pocket to keep them going.) Manage the expectation that you will bring candy home and open it in the light.

The same approach can apply to other holiday situations. Practice what your child can say or do if they want to leave an activity, don’t want to be touched or hugged, get separated from the group, or feel uncomfortable around someone. Rehearsing these situations when everyone is calm can make it easier for your child to communicate what they need when the moment actually happens.

Lindsay Pineda, MA, BCBA, and executive director of Empowered Behavior Solutions tells us, “Safety rules always apply, even on Halloween! We may tend to perceive it as if Halloween breaks safety rules — but it does not." For example, priming your child about the differences between Halloween interactions with strangers versus everyday interactions. "For example, if you have used the phrase 'Don’t take candy from strangers,' the difference you would emphasize to your kids is that you are giving them permission to do so because you will be accompanying them (or the responsible person will).” You can find more tips in our article Teaching Children About Consent — Consent 101.

And for more holiday tips, check out articles Top 10 Parent Tips for a Disability-Friendly Halloween, Creating a More Inclusive Halloween Experience, and Holiday Survival Guide for Families Raising Kids with Disabilities.