The 11 Worst Things Said in Way Too Many IEP Meetings - and How You Can Respond!

1. They say: “I'm sorry, we can't do that. It's against our policy.”

You say: “Can you please note that in the IEP, along with the reason why you can't, so we can document the request? Can you please share a copy of that policy with me?”

The school probably won’t have the policy pulled up and ready to go, so Carey recommends giving them a deadline to provide that policy. For example: “Can you please note in the IEP that you'll be providing that by next Friday, so I don't forget?”

If they don’t provide it by your deadline, start off first with an email to the case manager. If they don't follow up, request another IEP meeting. Often, according to Carey, that will push things along, and they'll get you the policy, or they'll admit they don't have the policy. If they do have a policy and you’re unsure whether the school district is allowed to do that under federal and state law, it may be best to talk to an education advocate or special education attorney.

2. They say: “Why don't we give this IEP a try, and we can have another IEP meeting in a few months?”

You say: “Isn't the IEP supposed to be for one year? Why would we create it so that we need to meet again in a few months?”

It’s true that the IEP is a living, breathing document that does change when needed, either when the school team or the parents request an IEP meeting to make an amendment. However, when you're writing the document, you should be looking at goals, services, and supports for a year.

3. They say: “We don't have to put that in the IEP. We already do that anyway.” For example, they say all the kids can raise their hand to go to the bathroom, or it’s embedded in the program that all the kids get a Chromebook, so you don’t need to specify those accommodations for your child.

You say: “Isn't the IEP supposed to be a portable document I can take anywhere? What if we move? I want my new school to know what you're doing.”

You can also say, “Great, that makes it so much easier that you already do it. Please put it in the IEP.” Especially if your child has multiple teachers, you want to make sure all the teachers are on the same page.

4. They say: “The general education teacher has to leave after 15 minutes. Can you please sign the excusal form?”

You say: “No.”

Excusals can and do happen; for example, you may not need the APE teacher present when you’re meeting to discuss the results of an AAC assessment. However, the general education teacher should almost always be present, even if your child spends the majority of time in special instruction, to discuss the core curriculum and opportunities for inclusion with peers.

5. They say: “From what we see, we disagree with your child’s diagnosis in this outside evaluation. They don't qualify for a lot of the services that you're asking for.”

You say: “I thought services were based on need. Are you saying my child doesn't have a need in this area?”

If they say no and you disagree, then ask for an assessment (or an IEE, if you disagree with the school’s assessment). Remember that an IEP should not ever be based on diagnosis — it should be based on the child’s individual needs.

6. They say: “Your child’s diagnosis doesn't qualify for an IEP. We don't need to assess.”

You say: “I believe my child needs an assessment. Please give me an assessment plan to sign.”

If a teacher or other staff member indicates that they don’t see your child having a need in a certain area, you can say, “Thank you, I’m happy to hear your thoughts, but I’d still like an assessment plan.”

9. They say: “It seems like there's some disagreement here, so let's go around and everyone can say if they agree yes or no. Let's vote.”

You say: “Wouldn't it be more collaborative and constructive if each team member gave their reasons for yes or no?”

Carey reminds us that IEP meetings are not democracies — parents are the most important members of the IEP team. If team members disagree with us as parents of their student, we want to know why.

10. They say: “We can't do that. It'll set a precedent.”

You say: “Isn't the purpose of this meeting to design a program that will meet my child's unique needs? How can this be a bad precedent when that's what's most appropriate for my child?”

If they say that it's a bad precedent because the other students are going to want the same thing, you can remind the school that other students or parents won’t be seeing your child’s IEP.

11. They say: “We don’t do that here.”

You say: “Please document it in the notes with your reason why.”

You can also ask for a prior written notice, which is a letter that tells you why they're not going to do something. If their reason for saying no is not appropriate, they're probably not going to want to put it in writing.

Carey says that most of the time, the school might not even know what they’re saying is incorrect. “I think that they believe what they're saying. I think that it's the product of saying the same thing, for years and years and years or just never being challenged on some of it. I think there might be cases where they're intentionally trying to mislead parents with the hope they'll drop it and go away. But I think for the most part, it's not malicious. It's not intentional.”

Whatever the intentions might be, it doesn't make it any less frustrating for parents, so we’re here to help you feel empowered by knowing how to respond.

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