Tips for Communicating with Your Child’s Teacher

It’s understandable to be worried when you have concerns about your child, but rather than calling a formal IEP meeting, Carey says the issue likely has a quick fix. “I always recommend you start with a simple conversation. ‘Hey, you know what, I have some concerns. Do you have time for a quick phone call? Or a Zoom? Or can I stop by after school one day and talk to you?’ If that doesn't work, then you can ask for an IEP meeting.”

Carey continues, “I know that my response of ‘Just talk to the teacher,’ is very Pollyanna. Clearly, that doesn't always work, and you're going to feel sometimes like you're either not being heard or they're not giving you a truthful answer. But there are a lot of great teachers out there who will. So I like to always start optimistic and give them the benefit of the doubt.”

To make it easier for your child teacher(s) to keep up with their IEP accommodations, it may be helpful to give them a single-page document that they can keep on hand for reference. If you're an Undivided member, check out our printable IEP accommodations template here to make one for your child.

It’s helpful for teachers to have your child’s accommodations available at a glance, but instead of peppering the teacher with questions about every single one, focus on the most important accommodations for your child. Carey says, “Keep in mind that usually when we have accommodations in an IEP, we're not expecting every teacher to use every one of them every day, right? Usually, accommodations are going to be situation specific, like in math, or they're going to be based on the child's needs. Maybe the child doesn't need movement breaks in the first part of the day because they're still fresh, and they need them more in the afternoon.”

Many parents ask for teachers to write a brief, daily account of their child’s progress at school. This might cover academics, behavior, health, services, or whatever is most important to update the family on.

Many families create their own daily parent-teacher communication log with questions that might be relevant to their unique situation, but our advice is to have something the teacher and aide can fill out in two minutes — checkboxes are great! “I like when the aide fills out the log,” Carey says, “and the teacher can approve it. My son’s team uses a form each day that tells what he did, bathroom information, eating information, and has some checkboxes and fill-in blanks. For example, my son sometimes refuses to go to the bathroom to be changed, so there is a box that says ‘Used restroom: yes or no’ and how many prompts.”

Carey’s advice is to prioritize what you’d like your child’s teacher to communicate to you. “You, as a parent, need to decide what it is you want to know, and what it is you need to know, and how frequently you actually need that. You could be open to not getting all of the details about every single thing every single day, because that is a lot.” Maybe that looks like asking about just one or two of your most important concerns each day and then asking for more detail just once a week. When you ask your child’s teacher to collaborate with you on a teacher-parent communication log, ask what format would work best for them. In this clip, Carey offers plenty of examples for paper or digital logs that families can use:

If you're an Undivided member, check out our printable communication log template or our daily report template.

According to Carey, you may want to “memorialize” in the IEP what kind of communication you are looking for and clarify what you want to learn from the communication with the teacher. For example, you could decide on a weekly report on struggles, what subjects were taught, what's going to be taught, social, etc., or request to meet once a month in person, over the phone, or on Zoom. Carey suggests to follow up anything verbal with an email summarizing what you and the teacher discussed so that this communication is logged.

If you get pushback on your request for a communication log, Carey recommends emphasizing that you’re following up on what your child is doing in school so that you can support their continued skill building at home. For example, if a child has behaviors that they're working on at school, tell the teacher, “I want to make sure that we're using the same language at home and at school.” Carey advises, “You don't want to make them feel like you're asking because you're doubting their abilities as a teacher. You're asking because you want to make sure you can support your child and support the teacher. If you come at it from a place of collaboration, like ‘I want the communication log so I can continue at home what you're doing at school and I can support my child,’ teachers are going to be much more open to it.”

Carey recommends having a one- or two-page list of your child’s IEP goals as a kind of “cheat sheet” to the full IEP document. Not only will this be a good reference sheet for you during IEP meetings, but you can share a copy with your child’s teacher(s) and providers as well. She says, “Teachers love it because it's helpful. It's in one place, so they don't have to flip through a giant document to find information.”

Undivided’s IEP Assistant can generate this summary of IEP goals for you, so you can print it for your next meeting or email a PDF to your team. Learn more about IEP Assistant for Undivided members here.

Assignments make up the bulk of data about your child’s school progress, but they’re certainly not the whole picture. Education is also about your child’s burgeoning social skills, which they may even have IEP goals for. Let your child’s teacher know you are interested in supporting your child’s inclusion and friendships. Carey says, “You can ask the team, who do they eat lunch with? During free time, is your child off by themselves? Or are they included? And if they're not being included, what can the school do to help facilitate that inclusion? One thing that I have found really helpful is asking the teacher if there's anybody in the classroom that your child seems to have a connection with. Is there somebody that your child gravitates towards? You can even ask that teacher to please reach out to that other child's parent and give them your email or whatnot so you can try and get them together after school.” Carey notes this is more applicable to children who aren’t able to communicate themselves who they play with at school, but it can still be helpful to have the teacher’s insights — and show the teacher that you value their input.

Your child’s school team spends as much time with your child on a daily basis as you do, if not more, so it’s valuable to communicate your priorities, convey your support, and collaborate as members of a team.

You can see the video of our full conversation with Lisa Carey here.

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