For many children with disabilities, devices are more than just a convenience or something fun to have. Tablets, smartphones, smartwatches, and other devices can be essential tools for learning, communicating, note-taking, and calming, as well as everyday accommodations that help them access their education and thrive in and out of school. But it’s completely normal for parents to wonder how much screen time is too much, how to implement rules for device management at home, and even how to tell whether their child is addicted to their electronic device.
To get these questions answered, we spoke to experts Erin Cantwell, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, Alishia Qadri, a doctoral extern, and Amber Rowland, PhD, associate research professor at the University of Kansas, to discuss the signs of device addiction in children with disabilities.
When we hear “device addiction,” it’s easy to think, “Well, all kids and teens are attached to their phones or tablets!” But how can we tell the difference between typical behavior and something that might be unhealthy? Let’s be honest: a lot of screen use looks unhealthy. So especially for our kids with disabilities, how do we know when it’s a red flag versus just part of growing up?
Qadri tells us that in a healthy situation, your child would have varied interests beyond device use, such as sports, arts, and interacting with friends and peers in person. They would have healthy sleep patterns and generally be emotionally well (not experiencing depression or anxiety or any other negative issues). They would also be able to maintain other responsibilities, such as chores and extracurricular activities, and still attend to those properly.
So what does device addiction in kids with disabilities actually look like? Qadri shares a few examples:
Dr. Cantwell and Qadri emphasize how some children with disabilities naturally gravitate toward the convenience of their devices.
So what are the telltale signs indicating that your child might be struggling with device addiction? Dr. Cantwell explains that the main sign is when a child is unable to disconnect without becoming emotionally dysregulated. This can look like “full-blown tantrums, throwing things, really having a hard time even when you set those clear expectations.” For example, if you tell them there’s 10 minutes left of device time “and they’re rushing and holding onto the device and really feeling like they need that in order to regulate their own emotions, then they’re not able to step away in an appropriate amount of time.”
Other unhealthy device behavior would be avoiding physical activities and the in-person friendships or activities they have.
Some parents might be wondering: what about when screen time isn’t a privilege, but a vital tool for communication? How do we balance setting limits when our kids rely on devices to connect with the world around them? For some, it’s not just entertainment — it’s how they express themselves and interact with others. This topic is especially important now, as headlines report that schools are increasingly imposing limits or outright bans on cell phones and other devices, while disability advocates warn these moves could block access to essential assistive technology.
Dr. Cantwell explains that parents should have discussions with their child about different uses for their devices and what that should look like. For example, you can look through the different apps for communication, encourage your child to use them, and explain to them that these are a part of how they communicate with the world. Also, you can have a list of apps that are for recreational use.
Qadri gives parents a few other tips:
What if your teenager enjoys spending time with people online more than in person? Should that be a deterrent in limiting screen time if that’s really where they feel comfortable? Qadri tells us that it’s important to understand your child’s perspective on why they may be interacting with more online friends than in-person friends. “Maybe they have social anxiety and they feel a sense of belonging in some of their online communities, showing interest with online friends through gaming or online chess and various other games.” Parents should be “assessing the quality of the online relationship to make sure the connections are positive and supportive, as well as looking out for bullying, whether that’s your child bullying others or them getting bullied.”
Dr. Cantwell and Qadri share more tips on building stronger in-person connections while balancing online interactions in this clip:
Can technology be neurodiversity-affirming?
It’s important to remember that not all social connection looks the same, especially for neurodivergent kids. Dr. Cantwell encourages parents to shift their perspective and recognize the strengths their child may be showing in online spaces.
“We want to come from a neuro-affirmative place,” Dr. Cantwell explains. “Parents can join [kids] in the online system so they can see for themselves that their child is able to interact in a different way and is able to express themselves in a different way and does have some sort of community going on. Look at the amazing things that they’re able to do utilizing these modalities — they’re able to communicate better with the people they are connecting with and build their social skills that way. Maybe they don’t read facial expressions well, or they’re not able to verbally express themselves. They don’t need to in some of these games because it’s an avatar, so they’re typing and they’re able to communicate in different ways and move around and manipulate their environment in ways that they may not be able to in the real world.”
Our experts agree that for neurodivergent children, video games can be a useful tool for connection. As parents, instead of battling over the controller, we can try leaning in. Engaging with your child during their gaming sessions isn’t just about watching them play — it’s a chance to step into their world and connect in meaningful ways.
Join their world
Dr. Cantwell explains, “I think with neurodivergent kids, being able to understand their world can be easier when you’re doing it in the form of play because verbal communication may not be the easiest for them. So maybe the easiest model is for you to join their world and understand them in this different way and connect in a totally different new way. These games can be positive if you utilize them in that fashion.”
Boost of self-esteem
Joining your child’s video game can also be a great confidence booster for your child. If you don’t know how to play, they get to teach you! Letting them show off their skills gives them a sense of purpose and pride, like, “Hey, I’m good at this. I can teach you now!”
Trust and respect
Qadri adds that it can also “help establish trust between you and your child if you’re going into their world, even just for an hour, to play games with them. They may be more willing to be say, ‘Oh, yes, I have been playing for an hour, here’s the iPad.’” It can also help them feel that you respect their interests and what’s important to them.
Be in the know
Dr. Cantwell explains that it can also help you understand their world, their language, and what is safe and what isn’t: “If you go into their world and are playing these games, you’re going to have a better understanding of what happens. When kids and teens start using [unfamiliar] language, when they start talking about things like Snapchat, I’m sitting there going, ‘What are you talking about?’ And I actually have them show me. They’ll sign me up on an account so that I’m understanding the language they’re using because it’s foreign to me.”
Another part of this is that children might not fully grasp what it means to be online, such as posting a TikTok video. As Dr. Cantwell explains, “I’ve had situations with kids who get themselves into a lot of trouble because they’ll make and post TikTok videos, not realizing the whole audience that they’re sending them to could then send them forward. And if you have a better understanding of what TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, or whatever all of these platforms are — if you know what they look like, if you have an understanding of what’s going on and you hear the lingo — I think if you’re able to share in that lingo, you can have a better conversation.”
Learn socialization in a safe environment
Other tools, such as virtual reality (VR) and gaming, can also help teach kids about topics they might not be able to safely explore in real-life settings, such as personal safety, socialization, boundaries, consent, health, and humor. VR can provide kids with a safe environment to practice and enhance skills that are often difficult to develop in real-life settings, with time to practice and customize simulations as needed. In a virtual learning environment, learners are not judged or ridiculed if they make a mistake or say something unexpected. As a result, students experience reduced anxiety during skill-building exercises. These tools help kids to desensitize internal discomfort while building confidence and self-efficacy.
For example, role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) can help kids with autism develop social skills. It can also function like group therapy. Here are 15 ways D&D can help kids with autism!
In the clip below, Amber Rowland, associate research professor at the University of Kansas who has a Ph.D in curriculum and teaching with a specialization in special education, delves deeper into how these innovative technologies support children with disabilities in developing social skills in a safe, timely, and less anxiety-inducing environment.
We all want a balanced and healthy tech environment for our children. But how do we do that, exactly? Here are essential steps you can take to implement effective device management in your family.
Step 1: Have an open and honest family discussion, including teenagers and children in this conversation.
Step 2: Create a device management plan, considering factors like age-appropriate limits, vulnerable online behavior, and balancing screen time with other activities. Make sure your plan includes clear guidelines for when and where devices can be used, as well as expectations for respectful and safe online interactions. It’s helpful to create a written plan that all members can access. That way, if guidelines, restrictions, or consequences are ever brought up, everyone can refer to the plan and avoid confusion or surprises.
Step 3: Set clear, consistent rules around device use. Sudden or unpredictable removal of devices can create anxiety and even lead to compulsive behaviors. Instead, establish predictable routines and consequences so that your child feels safe and knows what to expect.
As Dr. Cantwell explains, “I’ve seen situations where parents get frustrated at one point, so they just turn off the internet or they turn off the device. The kid has no idea and is not linking the behavior to the consequence because it’s happening so erratically. It almost creates addictive behaviors because then that child is compulsively playing because they have no idea, at least in their mind, when it’s going to be shut down. For our neurodivergent kids to not have that, that’s almost a feeling of being unsafe: ‘I don’t know when I’m going to have access. I’m going to overuse.’ Then, all of a sudden, it gets pulled and it’s like withdrawal because they don’t have any idea why.”
Step 4: Set clear boundaries and expectations as early as possible. Framing it as a privilege tied to responsibility helps kids understand that access depends on the behaviors they consistently show.
Step 5: Have a designated device-free zone, whether that’s the dinner table or when you’re having family time, and establish that zone early on when having these family discussions.
Step 6: Model the same behavior yourself that you expect from your children. As Qadri says, “If there’s a device-free zone, then parents have to also model the same behavior because kids learn from their parents. For example, if you’re having family movie night and no phones are allowed during family movie night, if dad’s on the phone, [the child might think], ‘Why is dad using the phone?’” This emphasizes parents modeling behavior that is discussed as a family.
What if my child’s other parent disagrees with me?
A common thing that we see with families is when a child’s parents don’t agree on whether the child actually is having an issue or overusing devices. Our experts have some advice on how to manage this situation:
“That’s a tricky one,“ Dr. Cantwell says. “Parents need to really look at themselves and say, ‘This isn’t about whether I’m right, you’re right, or you’re wrong. The best interest of the child is the consistency across both households, because trying to remember what rules apply where and when can be so dysregulating, especially for our neurodivergent kids who seem to do better with structure and routine.”
What if you just can’t agree, no matter how hard you try? Dr. Cantwell explains that in cases where the parents are just not going to agree and they’re going to have different rules, make sure the rules at those households stay consistent. “We have two different sets of rules, but those rules are at least clear that at mom’s house it’s this way and at dad’s house it’s this way.”
Remember: you’re the adult. As Dr. Cantwell explains, “Don’t get into a negotiation or a power struggle. . . . The child should have some input, but at the same time, you’re the parent, you need to make the decision. They don’t have the developed prefrontal cortex and they don’t know everything, so they don’t have the ability to make the best choice all the time. We want to make them understand that there are some decisions that as adults we have to make in their best interest.”
Encourage “healthy” screen time activities. Screen time isn’t all video games and Instagram. Qadri shares that there are educational and therapeutic apps that children with learning disabilities or developmental delays could benefit from. “If they’re using their screen time, there are apps where you learn something or you practice a skill. Some kids also will be drawing on the iPad, which is a form of art and creativity and expression, so I think that we should encourage those activities when using screen time.” Dr. Cantwell adds, “If your child is really into screens, be creative with their screen time usage so that it can also be a learning environment that’s fun.” For example, creating mood boards on Pinterest provides a peek into their views and inner world and helps them express themselves in a different way.
Plan ahead to keep your child entertained without their device. Turning everyday tasks and activities into fun games is just one way to keep your child entertained without relying on their device. Get your child involved in chores and make it fun — play games like “I Spy” while you’re cleaning or teach them a new skill while cooking. It also helps to create a “calm corner” or set up a few screen-free activities ahead of time that your child helped choose, so when you need a break or things get busy, you’re not scrambling to figure out how to keep them engaged. For more information on screen-free activities, check out our article Off-Screen Activities for Arts, Crafts, Sensory Play, and Literature.
Take time to de-stress. As Qadri explains, when you start setting new limits around devices, don’t be surprised if your child pushes back with tantrums or major resistance. It’s totally normal. That’s why it’s so important to give yourself some space to breathe, take care of your stress, and try to stay calm and steady for your child (even if you’re feeling anything but calm on the inside!).
Catch Dr. Cantwell and Qadri in our Undivided Conversation on device addiction — a short, bite-sized video conversation packed with the most important info for parents who want to hear directly from our experts.
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