Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) 101
Imagine you’ve been asked to give a speech. Whether it’s an obligation or something you truly want to do, when the time comes to speak, you might freeze up, feel an overwhelming urge to run away, or even want to lash out at whoever asked you to do this terrifying thing in the first place. Most of us have experienced a response like this when facing down a big project, a major deadline, or a hard conversation.
Now imagine this is how you feel whenever any demand or expectation is placed on you, no matter how small. And imagine you’re a child, surrounded by adults who seem to do nothing all day but demand things of you.
This might be how it feels for our kids who experience pathological demand avoidance (PDA), a behavior profile typically associated with autism. To learn more about PDA, we spoke with parents and clinicians who have firsthand experience, including Diane Gould, LCSW, founder and executive director of PDA North America; Jessica Richards, LCSW, a therapist with 16 years of experience working with neurodiverse individuals including those with PDA, and faculty member of the NeuroRelational Framework; Dr. Sally Burton-Hoyle, professor, ASD Area, and faculty advisor in the Department of Special Education College Supports Program at Eastern Michigan University; and Suzanne Sophos, CMPSS, a certified Medi-Cal peer support specialist and parent of a child with PDA; and Molly Williams, ACSW, who was diagnosed with autism with a PDA profile as a child and is now in training to becoming a clinician dedicated to supporting kids with similar neurodivergent experiences.
What is PDA?
PDA was first identified in the 1980s by UK researcher Elizabeth Newsom, who in her clinical work noticed a subgroup of children whose behaviors and characteristics resembled autism, but were in some ways atypical of the way autism was understood at that time. An extreme avoidance of everyday demands is the main feature of PDA. Those with PDA have been said to “use social strategies to avoid demands and to mask anxiety or underlying processing and communication issues.” Other research shows that “avoidant behaviors in children described as having PDA are often triggered by phobias, novelty, and uncertainty.” Newsom chose the name “pathological demand avoidance” to emphasize how extreme the avoidance was, and that it was outside the children’s control. Some advocates today prefer the term “pervasive drive for autonomy.”
Is PDA a clinical diagnosis?
PDA is not a diagnosis; it’s not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-V) or the international medical manual, the ICD-11. Rather, PDA is a cluster or profile of behaviors and characteristics. Many believe PDA is a subtype of autism. Others think PDA is a manifestation of other conditions, including complex PTSD and ADHD. Still others think PDA may be a distinct neurotype (or neurological difference) altogether. Some researchers say that PDA has not been well-defined and that the behavior may have other causes, especially anxiety. Some in the autism community argue that the concept of PDA pathologizes autonomy and undermines self-advocacy when children, especially those with autism, “act outside of social norms in attempt to gain autonomy (control over their lives)” or “adopt coping mechanisms or attempt to reduce anxiety associated with social norms or assert self-agency (their desire to make their own decisions).”
Debates aside, descriptions of PDA resonate strongly with many parents and clinicians, so PDA has attracted a lot of attention in recent years. As a result, more children are being identified as having PDA, more parents are requesting that their children be assessed for PDA, and more clinicians and advocates are calling for further research and clinical recognition.
In the US, most clinicians are not familiar with PDA (it is more well-known and researched in the UK), but a PDA advocacy community has been growing. Parents, adults who identify as having PDA, and other advocates have led the way in creating robust PDA communities, and organizations such as PDA North America provide extensive resources and support for parents of kids with PDA, who are sometimes called “PDAers.”
Some parents have a “lightbulb moment” when they first hear about PDA. Often, these are parents who have never found a diagnosis that fully fits their child. Although research on PDA is in its infancy and many questions about it remain, learning about PDA can still give parents new ways to understand and support their child.
What does PDA behavior look like?
There is no official consensus about the criteria for assessing and identifying PDA. Newsom’s originally proposed criteria for PDA still provide the basis for our understanding; these include:
- Extreme resistance to the demands of everyday life, which seem driven by a need for control
- Use of social strategies to avoid demands (e.g. distraction, diversion, excuses, withdrawal into pretend and fantasy)
- Extreme mood swings and impulsivity
- A surface level of social interest and understanding
- Being comfortable with role play and pretend
- Obsessive interests, often focused on other people
Parents and adults with PDA have identified many other characteristics that can be associated with PDA, including the following (not all children with PDA will experience all of these):
- Not appreciating or respecting hierarchy or age differences (for example, a child may not understand why a teacher has any more authority than they do)
- Having an anxiety-based need for control
- Avoiding even the things they like or want to do
- Seeming dominating or controlling in social situations
- Feeling threatened by rewards and praise, which can feel to them like expectations
- Behaving very differently in different settings
PDA North America, along with a lot of helpful resources, also has a lengthy list of characteristics that defines PDA.
Not all demand avoidance is PDA. PDA demand avoidance is extreme and pervades all aspects of a child’s life. Another distinction is that children with PDA avoid not only unpleasant tasks but even things they enjoy. For example, a child may resist eating even their favorite meal, or they may be eagerly looking forward to a friend’s birthday party, but when it’s time to go, they may suddenly refuse.
The use of “social strategies” to avoid demands is another notable feature of PDA. Although demand avoidance may take many forms, including passive resistance, physical withdrawal, or aggression, as they get older children with PDA may become more adept at leveraging social dynamics and conversation to avoid demands. When faced with a demand, a child with PDA may attempt to distract the adult (e.g. by drawing them into conversation about another topic), make excuses (e.g. “My hands don’t work”), or withdraw into fantasy (e.g. “I’m a dog, and dogs don’t make their bed.”)
As a parent of a child with PDA, Sophos says that in her experience, demand avoidance can look different on different days and from one setting to another. Parents may think they’ve helped their child conquer a particular challenge — brushing their teeth, for example — only to find that the next day, the child is unable to do the very same task.
“I've heard this phrase used with ADHD — people will say someone is ‘consistently inconsistent.’ And the same can be said for pathological demand avoidance,” says Sophos. Because an individual’s level of demand avoidance depends on their capacity in the moment, “something that they might be able to do one day turns into something that is a demand that they're trying to avoid another day. It is dependent upon their capacity in the moment. So, it can be very confusing to parents and caregivers.” But it makes sense when you consider that demand avoidance is rooted in the nervous system. Fluctuating stress levels mean that a child’s capacity to respond to a demand won’t always be the same. More on this below.
What can trigger PDA behavior?
The causes of PDA are not known, but understanding the human nervous system can help us understand what is happening in a child with PDA, according to the clinicians we spoke with.
Richards says, “Those with PDA experience what I would call a stress response, that is, a response in their nervous system – you know, fight, flight, fawn, freeze.” We all experience stress responses in our nervous system due to various triggers (such as being asked to speak in public). In a person with PDA, these stress responses are triggered by demands.
What is a demand?
Richards says a demand can be defined as “a task, an expectation, an activity asked of one, either by someone else, or the environment, or internally.” Any demand, whether coming from other people, or from inside a person’s own body, can be a trigger for PDA. Demands include:
- Direct demands: being told to sit at your desk, brush your teeth, or do your homework.
- Indirect demands: expectations that are implied rather than stated (for example, being asked a question, or having a plate of food placed in front of you).
- Internal demands: this can include internal bodily cues for hunger, thirst, or sleep.
It may be surprising that internal bodily cues can trigger PDA. This is because of a concept called “interoceptive awareness,” or our ability to understand our body’s own cues. Research has found that people with autism perceive and process interoceptive input, or internal cues, differently than others, just as they experience differences in processing sensory input from the outside environment. The same may be true for those with PDA. They may experience internal cues as overwhelming, leading to demand avoidant behavior.
Richards explains, “Our bodies place demands on us, such as hunger, thirst, toileting, sleep, and there are many PDA individuals that experience a great deal of distress simply with those cues and needs from their own body and are unable to meet those needs.” In a child with PDA, “what that can look like is being really hungry and wanting to eat your favorite food, but being unable to meet that demand. Same thing can happen with toileting,” says Richards.“That demand from one's body just really immobilizes that system.”
Other PDA triggers may include:
- Sensory sensitivities can make certain tasks overwhelming, especially when they involve sensory input or require change, and lead to avoidance.
- Executive functioning difficulties, like challenges with planning, organization, and flexibility, can make transitions and task management stressful. The avoidance of demands may stem from difficulties in initiating or completing tasks, as well as managing the associated stress.
- A strong need for control and predictability, which can lead to resistance to demands as a way to maintain autonomy and reduce anxiety.
- Emotional regulation struggles mean that stress or anxiety from demands can trigger avoidance behaviors.
- Social and communication differences can contribute, as misunderstandings or pressure in social situations might cause children to withdraw from demands.
- Past negative experiences with demands can lead to avoidance as a protective strategy.
- Dealing with demands also has a cumulative effect on children with PDA. What seems like the trigger of PDA behavior may in fact be just the final straw. A child may be grappling with demands all day and then finally reach a tipping point. As parents, we may not perceive the stress their nervous systems have been under; all we see from the outside is that a seemingly small demand suddenly sets off a huge reaction.
Looking at PDA through a nervous system lens
PDA advocates and PDA-affirming therapists emphasize that when you see a child with PDA avoiding or resisting a demand, it’s not a matter of “won’t” but “can’t.”
“For people who are struggling to kind of understand PDA, it's helpful for them to think of it as a nervous system difference,” says Gould. “When you see a PDA child not being able to do something, or not doing something, whether it's going to that party or homework or going to school, it's because they can't. They can't. It's not a conscious choice. They're acting the way their nervous system dictates. And people who fit this PDA profile have very sensitive and very reactive nervous systems that can easily go into fight, flight, or freeze.”
Viewing PDA behavior through a “nervous system lens” can give parents and teachers more understanding and compassion when faced with what they may otherwise experience as extremely challenging behavior. Sophos says that when her PDAer resists a demand, it helps her to remember, “it’s not his mind that’s asking [to avoid the demand]. It’s his body. It’s his entire nervous system.” This view is also compassionate toward parents, who often get blamed for their child’s demand-avoidant behavior.
Diagnosed in childhood with autism and PDA, Williams is now on the path to becoming a clinician who supports kids navigating similar neurodivergent experiences. Her clinical work with PDA children is informed by academic knowledge and guided by her lived experience as a former PDA-er. Drawing from both her personal journey and professional training, Williams explains that many people with autism and ADHD have differences in the amygdala, which is “one of our ancient parts of our brains,” responsible for processing and responding to emotional stimuli, including fear, anxiety, and anger. These nervous system differences cause them to respond differently to perceived stress. When a child is extremely demand-avoidant, this too may be understood as a stress response in a hypersensitive nervous system.
In this clip, Williams explains why having a compassionate lens is crucial when working with children with PDA.
Common challenges for kids with PDA
PDA is extremely challenging for children who experience it and their parents, because our children’s lives are filled with demands and expectations, and children with PDA can experience any kind of demand as threatening.
Challenges at home
At home, children with PDA may resist and avoid ordinary demands and expectations like doing homework, doing chores, going to bed at a certain time, brushing their teeth, eating meals, and getting ready for school.
Challenges at school
School can be a particularly difficult place for a child with PDA. Not only can following class rules and doing schoolwork trigger demand avoidance, even socializing can feel demanding because of the pressure for reciprocal interaction. A child with PDA may struggle all day in school. Alternatively, children who are “high masking” – able to hide their demand avoidance, at least some of the time – may be able to comply at school, only to melt down as soon as they get home.
Students with PDA may also struggle in school because they may not recognize or appreciate hierarchy, or the idea that the teacher has authority over them, which may not seem logical or fair to them. Many children with ADHD and autism also have this feature.
Dr. Sally Burton-Hoyle , a professor of special education at Eastern Michigan University who has worked with students with PDA, gives the example of a college student with autism who “cannot begin to follow the syllabus in a course.” Dr. Burton-Hoyle says this student believes she should be able to design her own courses — and has repeatedly done so, ignoring the instructor’s assignments. She was at an Ivy league school, but her demand avoidance was so extreme, she couldn’t pass her courses. “These are the kind of things that really, really, really impair a person’s ability to get through life.”
Dr. Burton-Hoyle gives another example of a student who has avoided managing his seizure triggers. His PDA takes the form of “his inability to take any sort of direction that could truly be saving his life.” He is aware of his seizure triggers but ignores the guidance he’s given to avoid them. He even denies when he’s had a seizure and doesn’t seek help afterward. Dr. Burton-Hoyle notes that not all children with PDA behave in ways that are so detrimental. But the examples illustrate just how extreme demand avoidance can be.
How does PDA relate to autism and other disabilities?
Most PDA advocates and those who study PDA consider it a profile or subtype of autism. But opinions vary about how PDA relates to autism and other disabilities, and not enough research has been done to say definitively. Some people believe that PDA is not a distinct profile at all but rather a manifestation of anxiety or other conditions, such as ADHD, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD), and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).
When it comes to autism, some people believe that PDA is similar to having sensory challenges, which are common in children with autism. But not all children with sensory sensitivities have autism, and vice versa, not all children with autism have sensory sensitivities.
Research done by Judy Eaton and Kaylee Weaver has looked at the differences between children diagnosed with autism and those diagnosed with autism and a PDA profile, using a test called the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS-2). One difference was that traditional parenting and management strategies were reportedly not as effective in children with both autism and PDA compared to children with just autism.
Another main difference assessors noted was that the two groups of children displayed different social communication and interaction styles. For example, they state that children with just an autism diagnosis often talked about their own special interests during the assessment. If the examiner went along with their train of thought and accepted their unique way of communicating, a good conversation and connection could usually be made, even if the interaction was a bit unusual. In contrast, children with both autism and a PDA profile initially showed some “surface sociability,” or an interest in socializing, but as the assessment went on, they became less motivated to engage. They often used strategies to avoid interaction, like ignoring the examiner, trying to distract them, refusing to participate, leaving the room, or even becoming very upset or shutting down entirely.
Some believe that PDA is manifested in other disabilities in addition to autism, especially ADHD, as “defiance is commonly associated with ADHD symptoms like weak impulse control and emotional regulation.” A 2020 study even found that ADHD was a better predictor of PDA than autism. In other words, ADHD might have a stronger relationship to PDA than autism; however more research is needed to explore the connection. What we know now is that most children who have been identified as having PDA features or a PDA profile have autism, ADHD, or both.
Getting assessed for PDA
Because PDA is not a recognized diagnosis, there is no standard clinical assessment for PDA. However, if you suspect your child might have PDA, you may come across the Extreme Demand Avoidance Questionnaire (EDA-Q), now called the EDA-8. The EDA-8 is an updated version containing eight key questions from the original 26-item EDA-Q. It's a caregiver report tool designed to help identify PDA traits in children aged 5 to 17 years. While it can provide insights, which can be a helpful aid for practitioners exploring a PDA profile, it’s important to remember that the EDA-8 was created for research purposes and hasn't been tested in clinical settings.
However, parents can seek a neuropsychological assessment from a provider who is familiar with PDA. If applicable, the provider may note that a child has “demand avoidance features” or “a PDA profile” in the assessment. This would be distinct from the child's primary diagnosis, which is most often autism or ADHD. Here are assessment tips from our experts:
- Weigh the pros and cons of an assessment. Think about why you want an assessment and whether the potential benefits outweigh the costs, including time, money, and the challenges of the process itself for us and our kids. If what you are looking for is to know whether your child has PDA, an assessment may or may not provide additional clarification. However, because PDA is not a recognized diagnosis, having this label is of limited usefulness anyway when dealing with schools, insurance, and Regional Centers.
- Request a PDA-affirming assessment. If you do seek an assessment, Sophos suggests that parents specifically request one that considers demand avoidance, bring up PDA traits during the assessment, and seek out professionals who are familiar with PDA. Parents can check out PDA North America’s website, which has a “PDA-affirming provider directory.” You can also talk to other parents and find out which clinicians they’ve found helpful.
- Seek out a provider who understands disabilities. Dr. Burton-Hoyle says it’s very important to get an assessment from a seasoned psychologist or psychiatrist who understands autism as well as other disabilities and mental health conditions, and not just PDA. This is crucial so that they can compare different conditions with similar symptoms to make the most accurate assessment.
- Assess for anxiety, too. It may be important to have your child assessed for anxiety, which is common among those with autism and ADHD. If behaviors are anxiety-driven, there are anxiety treatments available such as exposure therapy and medication that can help reduce symptoms. However, for many children with PDA, traditional anxiety treatments may not work or fully address the problem. In that case, other therapeutic approaches and interventions may be more appropriate.
Because PDA is not widely known in the US, it’s not uncommon to encounter doctors or therapists who have either not heard of PDA or don’t believe it’s “a real thing.” Dr. Burton-Hoyle says this can add insult to injury for parents who think they may finally have found a key to understanding their child’s behavior, only to be dismissed by their pediatrician or psychiatrist. “They just say no, no, no. And then they blame parents, they blame schools, they blame all sorts of things. It’s kind of a similar path that families who have kids with autism go through as well, except autism is at least a diagnosable disorder at this point where PDA isn’t.”
Here are some key questions you can ask when searching for a therapist or provider aligned with a nervous-system lens, created by Richards and Stephanie Myung, a parent of a child with PDA. You can download their worksheet with the full list here.
- Are you familiar with the Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile? If so, what is your understanding?
- Have you worked with others with PDA?
- Do you consider your approach to be behavioral?
- Do you use a nervous system lens?
- What is your cancellation policy? What flexibility can you offer if my child cannot attend a scheduled session?
- Are you open to using strategies to accommodate my child’s unique nervous system, even if they do not align with specific behavioral procedures, as we prioritize nervous system regulation and trust?
- Are you familiar with “low demand/low arousal” approaches?
- Do you generally follow the child’s lead or set the agenda based on goals?
- Are you open to collaborating to create goals in a manner that accommodates my child’s unique nervous system?
What interventions work for managing PDA?
It’s important to work with kids differently if they have PDA. What works for other kids with autism or neurodivergence often has a different or even opposite effect on kids with PDA.
Does ABA work for PDA?
Traditional forms of parenting or interventions don’t typically work for kids with PDA. As this study by Eaton and Weaver explains, many parents of kids with both autism and PDA “reported that, in their endeavour to find support for their child’s difficulties, they had been referred to, and seen by, services where it had been suggested that there were either attachment difficulties, or that there were insufficient boundaries in the household.” They were advised to implement firm boundaries and reward-based programs, and all of them had reported that these had not proved effective and had, in many cases, actually made the behavior challenges worse.
ABA therapy, for example, which is often an intervention for autism, is usually a poor match for PDA. ABA’s direct focus on changing behavior can make things worse. Sophos confirms, “We hear from the parents in our support groups that programs like ABA and therapies like ABA can be almost triggering to their children who have PDA. It increases anxiety and resistance.”
Richards tells us that ABA “often epically fails” as a therapy for PDA. She believes that the focus on behavior modification “often sort of inflames the situation and intensifies stress responses and can even lead to burnout in a PDA individual.”
Gould says the problem with ABA and other behavior-based interventions is that, “When you just deal with the behaviors directly, you get kind of this game of whack-a-mole, or a short-term change, and sometimes at a long-term cost. So we don't want behavioral strategies.” Instead, says Gould, “you want an autistic-affirming, PDA-affirming, trauma-informed approach that's all relationship based.”
Trauma-informed, nervous-system based, relationship-based approaches
The clinicians we spoke with said that trauma-informed, nervous-system based, relationship-based approaches are what’s needed for kids with PDA. Overall, successful interventions require a compassionate, individualized approach that respects an individual with PDA’s need for control while providing support and structure. Specific approaches they recommended included somatic therapy, DIR Floortime, talk therapy, neurofeedback, and the safe and sound protocol, among others. No single approach is the universal best fit for kids with PDA. The PDA Society also states, “The key is to reduce the ‘perception’ of demands and to provide a sense of control and autonomy. Adaptation of environments and the opportunity to develop self-management techniques are also important.”
Experts also recommend that parents find ways to understand the why, as well find ways to support and motivate kids in developing flexible thinking and appropriate adaptive skills. For example, building strengths and preferences into the daily routines, such as a specific activity, may change the child's day and lead to positive outcomes. As Dr. Burton-Hoyle says, it’s important to be creative and look for strengths in children.
Richards and Myung put together a list of questions to help parents find a provider (therapist, speech therapist, coach, OT, PT, psychiatrist, interventionist, psychologist, etc.) that prioritizes regulating the nervous system. That a provider focuses on the nervous system and is open to learning and collaborating is more important than whether they are familiar with PDA.
Sophos says that what has worked for her family is a combination of approaches. At home, her family uses low-demand parenting— which focuses on reducing non-essential demands — and collaborative and proactive family solutions. They also approach everything with a trauma-informed perspective. She tells us that when they did all this, “Life got exponentially better, and I didn't need a diagnosis or a piece of paper to implement these strategies. I just needed to listen to what my child was telling me and what I knew to be true as his parent.”
She also says that, although science has not caught up in terms of understanding PDA, lots of parents are figuring out what works for their kids and sharing their lived experience and information. Other parents will often be your best resources. “I think parents have to understand that this is all a journey and the best thing we can do is understand our kiddos and where they're coming from, and try to find strategies that work for the individual children we’re raising. Focus on that versus what their diagnosis is because these things change.”
Interventions that address the underlying triggers of PDA behavior can help manage PDA and support individuals in developing more adaptive strategies for handling demands and stress. You can work with your child’s therapists and teachers to tailor interventions to their specific triggers. Effective interventions typically focus on reducing anxiety, enhancing flexibility, and promoting cooperation. Here are some strategies that have been found to be beneficial:
- Building trust and rapport: establishing a trusting relationship with your child is crucial. By building rapport and understanding their preferences and triggers, parents and caregivers can create a sense of safety and stability.
- Flexible approaches: adopting a flexible and individualized approach to demands can be helpful for PDA kids. This might involve presenting requests in a less direct manner, offering choices, and incorporating the individual's interests to make tasks more engaging and less confrontational. Of course, it has to be within reason, and the child’s safety is always the priority.
- Collaboration in problem-solving: engaging in collaborative problem-solving helps individuals with PDA feel more in control and respected. Working together to find mutually agreeable solutions to challenges can reduce resistance and enhance cooperation.
- Reducing anxiety and stress: strategies to minimize anxiety can be effective, as anxiety often triggers demand avoidance. This includes creating a predictable environment, using visual schedules, and employing calming techniques to help manage stress.
- Avoid using demand words: (e.g. need, now, must, urgently). Where possible, try to instead make indirect requests instead of using demand words (e.g. “Is it alright…”, “I wonder if…”, “How do you feel about…”).
- Depersonalize requests: requests made too forcefully can trigger kids with PDA. Use written requests or visual cues to remove the personal aspect of the demand.
- Consistency: decide on the non-negotiables, explain the reasons for doing and stick to them. Structure and consistency makes the world predictable, and therefore much less confusing, overwhelming or anxiety-inducing.
- Incremental exposure: gradually introducing demands in small, manageable steps can help build tolerance. This approach allows individuals to gradually adjust to new expectations without becoming overwhelmed.
- Incorporating interests: integrating the individual's special interests into activities and tasks can increase motivation and engagement. This approach can make demands feel less intrusive and more aligned with their preferences.
- Indirect praise: PDAers tend to avoid direct praise due to the potential increase in anxiety. It can be more effective to acknowledge their involvement and contributions by offering indirect affirmations and praising results. For example, you can say, “I love how clean the kitchen looks” or “I feel so happy to see you finished your project.”
- Visual supports: visual aids, such as schedules, timers, and visual prompts, can help provide structure and clarity. These tools can assist in reducing anxiety related to transitions and changes in routine.
- Professional support: involving professionals, such as behavioral therapists, psychologists, or occupational therapists, can provide additional strategies and support tailored to the individual's needs.
- Parent and caregiver training: educating parents and caregivers about PDA and effective strategies can enhance their ability to support the individual. Training can focus on understanding PDA, implementing intervention strategies, and managing challenging behaviors.
PDA in the IEP
PDA is not a recognized qualifying category for an IEP, but if your child is eligible under another category, you can talk to your IEP team about accommodations and supports. Knowing that your child has PDA can provide important insights for their IEP. Parents can request that PDA or demand avoidance be included in the IEP along with specific information and strategies that will work for the child.
Non-Attorney Education Advocate Lisa Carey suggests that you have information about what works for your child around placing demands in the IEP under accommodations. You can get the description of what PDA is and add it to the IEP.
Create an All About Me document
You can also add this information to your child's All About Me document for teachers and providers, including how to help prevent behavior from happening, the “tells” of the behavior, and other relevant information. Here’s are a few points you can include:
- Brief introduction to PDA and your child. State that your child has a PDA profile and explain what that means. Describe daily struggles with tasks like transitions, personal care, and following directions. Explain that avoidance behaviors stem from anxiety, not defiance. Mention sensory processing challenges and how they impact participation.
- Share what works and doesn’t work for your child. Explain what success looks like for your child (e.g., feeling regulated, safe, and happy at school). Explain that traditional structured approaches may lead to emotional outbursts or shutdowns. Note how sensory sensitivities (e.g., noise, transitions, crowded spaces) affect regulation. Advocate for flexibility & accommodations. List effective supports that do work. If your child has had a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA), add the FBA information and other relevant information.
Even if educators are not aware of PDA or are skeptical of it, you can still talk to them about your child’s specific needs and interventions and supports that work best for them and request that these be part of the IEP. Again, the label PDA is not as important as finding what works for your child and getting on the same page about that with your IEP team.
“Instead of focusing on the label of pathological demand avoidance, bring up those specific things that you see your child having struggles with, and address those things specifically,” says Sophos. “If you can get them addressed specifically in the IEP, you often have better success. Sometimes even expressing that your child has pathological demand avoidance can do more harm than good.” In some cases, teachers may confuse PDA for oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) or other conditions. “I think really focusing specifically on the key areas of challenge and trying to get supports and accommodations for those is really the best bet.”
Accommodations and goals for PDA
Sophos suggests several accommodations that may create a more supportive learning environment for children who experience PDA. These include:
- Flexible scheduling (e.g. allow extra time for transitions and assignments, use asynchronous learning where possible)
- Reduced workload (e.g. reduce any non-essential tasks and demands to prevent overwhelm)
- Alternative ways to demonstrate learning (e.g. allow oral rather than written responses, and creative formats)
- Breaks and sensory input (e.g. allow movement breaks, sensory tools, quiet space to self-regulate; allow a non-punitive opt-out option when an activity is overwhelming)
- Relationship-based support rather than hierarchical authority (e.g. use collaborative, trust-building approach instead of rigid rules; approach correction as providing guidance)
- Low-demand, low-arousal approaches (e.g. use gentle phrasing, indirect requests; avoid power struggles; allow self-led learning moments to build confidence)
Sophos says that asking your child what will help them is often a good place to start. “What would make this easier for you, or what would help make this better for you? Sometimes even the youngest kids have an idea of like, well, I could do this if I had extra time, or if I could start it today and finish it tomorrow.”
Sophos recommends teaching kids how to respectfully negotiate nonessential demands with their teachers. Sometimes something simple, like being able to type rather than handwrite an assignment, will help give the child the sense of autonomy and control they need.
When it comes to IEP goals for PDA, check out this handy resource from PDA North America with some sample IEP goals. When crafting goals that are related to PDA, they tell parents to make sure your child’s IEP goals are neurodiversity-affirming by including supports that align with their needs. Executive functioning, sensory, and motor supports can help create goals that truly support their learning. It’s also important for school staff to respect all forms of communication — whether that’s AAC, speech, vocalizations, sign language, or gestures. And for PDA learners, using declarative language in their goals can make a big difference.
1:1 aide
If you believe your child requires a 1:1 aide at school — such as a behavior aide — you have the right to request one during your IEP meeting. If it is determined that a 1:1 aide is required for your child to access FAPE, the district is required to figure out how to provide that service to you at no cost. Note that a 1:1 aide can be a great support, but only if they understand how to work with your child in a way that prioritizes emotional regulation and autonomy. Instead of someone focused on enforcing rules or demands, your child needs an aide who takes a flexible, relationship-based approach. It’s important that the aide has training in PDA, trauma-informed practices, and low-demand strategies so they can support your child’s needs and strengths.
PDA and the Regional Center
As with special education, PDA does not make a child eligible for Regional Center services. However, if your child qualifies under another diagnosis, such as autism, the Regional Center may be able to provide resources that can help with PDA. These include respite care, flexible therapy approaches (alternatives to ABA), and social and life skills coaching.
Although ABA is what Regional Centers most often provide, some Regional Centers will also provide support for alternative therapies. Because PDA is not a diagnosis and not widely recognized, parents may want to frame their requests in terms of struggles with anxiety, executive functioning, and nervous system regulation, rather than seeking help for PDA.
Sophos advises parents that respite is one of the most valuable things the Regional Center can offer parents of a child with PDA. “I am not going to lie, parenting a child with PDA can be pretty exhausting,” says Sophos. “One of the things I hear from most parents that have children [with] a PDA profile is that it is very hard for them to find babysitters and nannies that will stay, because it's challenging to manage. So respite care is one of the most wonderful things that is offered through the Regional Center.”
Key takeaways for parents
Sophos says that a low-demand parenting approach has been beneficial for her in parenting her child with a PDA profile. A low-demand approach reduces demands and expectations wherever possible to reduce the sense of threat the child experiences. It doesn’t mean eliminating demands, or that the child will get out of doing the things they need to do. It means engaging with your child to find out what’s making it hard for them, and what will make it less stressful and more possible for them to do what needs to be done.
Try low demand parenting
For us as parents, it also means letting go of things that aren’t essential. “Sometimes that means the thing doesn’t get done the day you want it to get done, because you have to build up to it,” says Sophos. She says this is challenging and may cause you to question yourself as a parent. But ultimately, in her experience, this approach has not only helped her child but has improved their relationship.
“I mean, I had those same thoughts when we first transitioned to lower demand parenting. When I first read about it, I said, wait a minute — am I just giving up? But it really takes a lot of connection and communication, and I really feel like, as we've lowered the demands, our connection and our communication have just gotten so much better, and I think we both have a greater understanding of each other.”
Parents who shift their parenting approach in this way may encounter criticism from others who think they are being too permissive. Gould advises parents “to not be afraid to do things differently than you thought you were going to do them, how you were raised, or how people tell you you're supposed to do things.” She adds, “You know, childhood is short. You want to enjoy your children, and you want that relationship to work. And [your] relationship with your children is the most important thing, not if they've taken out the garbage, and not how long they practice the piano.”
Parents also may encounter skepticism about PDA itself from teachers, doctors, or friends and family members. For those who do, Sophos says, remember that you don’t have to prove that PDA is real or that your child experiences it. Shift the conversation from labels to needs. Rather than engaging in debates about PDA or your parenting approaches, redirect the conversation toward what your child experiences and what strategies work for them. And seek out professionals who are willing to listen.
Support your child’s autonomy
Another way we as parents can help our children manage PDA is to support their autonomy. Clinicians we spoke with agreed that the need for autonomy is a main driver for people who experience PDA, so as parents we should do what we can to increase our child’s sense of autonomy at home, and advocate for them to have as much autonomy as possible in school as well.
Says Sophos, “Autonomy has everything to do with PDA, because really what calms a person’s nervous system is feeling like they’re not going to be forced into doing something.”
“One of the ways I see it is that autonomy is like oxygen for PDAers,” says Gould. “It’s like you feel okay, you feel better, when you're doing things your way, the way you need to do them, when you need to do them.” Autonomy helps an individual with PDA feel in control and therefore helps prevent or mitigate the threat response in their nervous system.
Find support
Fortunately, parent support is available for parents whose children experience PDA. PDA North America offers many resources on its website, including peer support groups, free videos, a PDA-affirming provider and educator directories, free downloadable PDFs, training and webinars, and an annual conference. The PDA Society, based in the UK, offers similar resources. Gould gives parents some tips and strategies on their journey:
- Find your community. Surround yourself with people who understand PDA parenting. It’s hard to do this alone, and a supportive community can help drown out unhelpful advice.
- Tune out other voices. Others might tell you to be stricter or enforce firmer discipline, but that often backfires with PDA kids. Tune out those voices and focus on what truly works for your child.
- Lower the pressure. Experiment with reducing demands and tension in daily life. Sometimes, making things easier — even if it’s not what you thought parenting would look like — can bring big relief.
- Prioritize connection. Instead of getting stuck in power struggles, ask yourself: Is this really worth it? More often than not, letting go of unnecessary battles and focusing on connection leads to better outcomes.
- Be flexible and attuned. PDA kids thrive on co-regulation, flexibility, and parents who truly “get” them. Adjusting your approach to meet their needs can make a huge difference.
- Give yourself grace. Parenting a PDA child is not always easy. Be kind to yourself, let go of guilt, and trust that prioritizing your relationship with your child is the best thing you can do.
Parenting a child with PDA is not an easy journey. As a PDA parent herself, Sophos says support groups, such as the one she co-facilitates through CHADD, are some of the best resources she’s found. “There's a lot of crying, because it's very emotional for parents. But there's also a lot of relief, because most of us with kiddos that have PDA are very isolated,” she says. Parents may feel isolated by the responses to and judgements toward their child’s behaviors, as well as by medical and educational establishments that don’t understand their child.
“I think that's the biggest thing. When people come for the first time, they're like, I am so grateful to hear other people saying that this stuff is happening in their household, because I thought I was completely alone.”
Books, websites, and resources for PDA
If you’re looking to learn more about PDA and find helpful strategies, there are several great resources available. We have books for families and kids, plus some great websites that can help you better understand PDA and find strategies that work for your child.
Books for parents and caregivers
by Ross W. Greene
Dr. Greene offers a compassionate approach to understanding and parenting children who are easily frustrated and chronically inflexible. Greene provides practical tools for addressing behavioral issues, focusing on identifying triggers, improving communication, and fostering cooperation between parents and children.
Written and Illustrated by Eliza Fricker
Through a blend of words and illustrations, she shares valuable lessons about her child's sensitivities and self-regulation. Readers learn that a gentler, less demanding, and more accepting approach, combined with positive, playful parenting strategies, leads to increased cooperation and mutually rewarding interactions.
By Amanda Diekman
Amanda Diekman, a parent to neurodivergent children and an autistic adult, presents a parenting approach that reduces pressures and expectations, helping to restore balance within the family. Filled with practical resources and easy-to-implement scripts, this book serves as a supportive guide for navigating the unique challenges of parenting, helping families thrive together.
By Ruth Fidler and Diane Gould
The authors of this book clarify PDA through a neurodiversity-affirming lens, emphasizing the well-being of both individuals with PDA and their supporters. As awareness increases, the compassion and insights offered in this book will serve as a valuable resource for many navigating these challenges.
Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome - My Daughter is Not Naughty
By Jane Alison Sherwin
Jane shares effective strategies that have benefited her daughter Mollie and provides essential advice on obtaining a diagnosis and increasing awareness of PDA. The book also features an interview with Mollie, making it a rich resource for parents, families, and professionals, emphasizing the importance of understanding how children with PDA perceive the world.
The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of a Pathological Demand Avoidant Profile
By Harry Thompson
Embracing neurodiversity, Thompson emphasizes that autistic individuals are not flawed but may simply need to take a "scenic route" to thrive and achieve their full potential. His memoir ultimately conveys a message of hope and a positive outlook for the future.
Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome in Children
By Margaret Duncan, Zara Healy, Ruth Fidler, and Phil Christie
This comprehensive guide provides an in-depth overview of PDA and offers practical advice for addressing the challenges it presents from diagnosis through adulthood. This user-friendly handbook is an essential resource for anyone caring for or working with children with PDA.
Books for kids
Can I Tell You About Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome?
Authors: Ruth Fidler and Phil Christie Illustrator: Jonathon Powell
In this book, Issy, an 11-year-old girl, shares her experiences with PDA, offering readers insight into how everyday demands can trigger significant anxiety and stress for her. She explains the various ways those around her can provide support and understanding. (Aimed at readers aged 7 and up)
Authors: Glòria Durà-Vilà and Tamar Levi Illustrator: Tamar Levi
This illustrated guide supports young people with PDA in understanding their diagnosis, enhances self-awareness, and creates personalized problem-solving strategies. Readers are invited to actively participate through interactive writing, doodling, and checklist exercises that help them explore their unique characteristics, strengths, and challenges. (Aimed at kids age 10 and up)
Author: Glòria Durà-Vilà Illustrator: Rebecca Tatternorth
This uplifting and gentle guide for young children presents PDA through the eyes of a playful panda who proudly embraces her PDA. The panda candidly discusses the challenges of PDA but also shows how, with the right support and environment, she can thrive and lead a happy life.
By: Laura Kerbey, Eliza Fricker
This warm and humorously illustrated guide offers insights into the complexities of the teenage brain, helping readers recognize their strengths while navigating their difficulties. It provides valuable tools for self-advocacy, understanding anxieties, managing rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and effectively communicating needs to family, friends, and others.
Websites
PDA North America is a non-profit organization dedicated to increasing awareness and understanding of PDA in the U.S. and Canada. PDA North America offers resources for families, educators, and clinicians, including support groups, webinars, and a Learning Lab with educational materials. The organization also hosts annual conferences and maintains a PDA-affirming provider list, aiming to build community and provide support for individuals with PDA and their families.
At Peace Parents, led by Dr. Casey Ehrlich, offers resources and support for parents of children with PDA and high sensitivity to threat. Through the Paradigm Shift Program, parents learn tools to create a peaceful and stable home environment. The site provides masterclasses, coaching, and a supportive community aimed at helping parents navigate the unique challenges of raising a PDA child.
Journeys with PDA is an advocacy group focused on raising awareness and understanding of PDA. The organization, led by certified PDA trainers and parents of children with PDA, provides educational resources, coaching, and support for families. The site also offers a community platform for connection and co-regulation among those affected by PDA.
Kristy Forbes offers various resources, including masterclasses and virtual classes that focus on practical strategies for supporting those with PDA. Kristy emphasizes a family-centered approach that celebrates neurodivergence and promotes social change based on inclusion and equity.
Amanda Diekman is author of the book Low Demand Parenting and founder of Low Demand Amanda. Her website offers parents on-demand courses, personalized coaching, or an immersive live Masterclass on low demand parenting for kids with PDA.
PDA Parents is a supportive community for families with children experiencing PDA. The site provides valuable resources, including articles, forums, and workshops, to help parents understand and navigate the complexities of PDA. The community aims to raise awareness and acceptance of PDA, offering a safe space for parents to connect and learn from one another.
The School Avoidance Alliance is a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting families, educators, and communities in addressing school avoidance in children. Through education, outreach, and collaboration with mental health professionals, the Alliance offers strategies and tools for managing anxiety, depression, and other challenges, like PDA, that contribute to school refusal.
PDA Society is a PDA charity in the UK. They provide families and professionals with information and research toward understanding, support and outcomes for PDA people in the future. Their PDF “Simple strategies for supporting children with Pathological Demand Avoidance at school” can be a great resource for parents.
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